No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can survive under an umbrella!
Relationships are among the greatest sources of joy and meaning for many humans, yet also the cause of long-term sadness and regret. When two people come together with different life histories, cultural background, and current pressures, you are bound to clash with each other or get blown away over the course of a long relationship.
Think ‘off’ the people: When thinking about relationship issues it’s easy to think in terms of people, specifically who is right or wrong. The therapy mantra is that the solution pattern is more powerful than the people. A good way to do it is to talk about it (the pattern) rather than the people. You have to become the change agent of the relationship which is certainly a good and important start.
Behave rationally: It is about being responsible with action that is not harming others or misbehaving. It is about being responsible for your problems which means you ultimately need to deal with and fix them rather than expecting others to do it for you. It is understanding that it isn’t always about you; so don’t take everything so personally; it is understanding that the other person may be struggling inside in his or her own way. It is about being rational, acting like an adult.
Focus on the present: When you are stressed in a relationship, it’s easy for your mind to automatically examine through the past, collecting further proof of injustices and mistreatment. It may give you fuel for useless arguments, but will do nothing to solve the issue and will only further drag you down. Drive aside the temptation to go down that history road and fix in on the here and now.
Big picture thinking: Make space in your life to purposely reconnect with the loving feelings you have for your partner/friend or relatives, even if recent communications have made you feel distant or angry. Think about the good qualities the other person has which originally attracted you towards them.
Behavior as a change agent: Behavior is the key to driving change because, unlike emotions and often even thoughts, the behavior is the one feature of ourselves that we can truly regulate. The action gets you out of the emotional mud and is an excellent remedy. So give your partner a hug 5 times a day whether you feel like it or not and see if it doesn’t change the emotional climate in the house.
Be an adult: Worthy decisions come from experience and the latter comes from making bad decisions. Balancing life and relationships is a lengthy process of experimentation and elimination. Try something – with mindfulness and a good heart; see what happens, adjust and try again. Avoid the drama, playing the victim and the manipulation. Think about you, what you can do to fix the issue.
Fix your relationship using empathizing, acting to change, and loving, you are actively reaching for your loved ones and letting them know that they matter and you care. You don’t have to do it all at once; instead, see which of these ideas catch your attention. Start small. Focus on you. One transformation will lead to another