Question : A while ago I saw two men kiss on TV and I thought it was really cute. But recently I attended a “celebrate pride” event with my friend who is gay. Suddenly many of the men seemed hot or cute and I was also hit on by a guy. Later, he held my hand and we talked for almost an hour and before I realized it, I told him he was cute. We connected emotionally but I’ve also been attracted towards girls and I end up getting really confused about myself. I’m unsure about my sexual feelings. It’s frustrating me. Am I gay or am I straight? Teentalker , 17-year-old
Dear Teentalker,
I can only imagine how frustrating that must be for you. Having feelings whether emotional or physical towards the same gender or the opposite gender or both can be confusing!
The differences in sexual and emotional attraction can also be so challenging! Our sexual identity/orientation can keep changing at this age so whether you identify yourself as gay or straight or bisexual or maybe you don’t feel like giving a label to yourself, you eventually need to do what feels right to you even if it means not sticking to a particular orientation until you gain clarity.
A lot of people feel that your physical and emotional attraction needs to be aligned or the same but the truth is you could feel differently. As time goes by some attractions seem more dominant. So there could be a time where you might have a strong attraction towards the opposite sex and then you could feel strongly towards the same sex or both, it’s essentially a developmental process.
Working with a counsellor will help you gain more clarity and help you clarify your sexual orientation. Sometimes we need to work through our fears so that the confusion is dealt with as it can inhibit you from forming deeper connections. May be answering what about your sexuality is scary or how and when do you feel happier could help you discover yourself.
I honour your feelings. This is a discovery process and the emotional and physical attraction comes with our experiences in life and is a developmental phenomenon. Some people may need more time figuring it out than others, please give yourself enough time and try not to rush it to give it a marked identity. Once you gain clarity you will feel more at ease with yourself.
Hope this helps, if you have any other query do connect online for chat between 11am-8pm or drop us an offline message.
Regards,
Expert Teentalk India