Question : Last year I started liking this girl from my class. We used to Facebook chat every night and then I told her how I felt about her. I thought she liked me too, but she told me that she likes someone else. I feel so stupid and embarrassed and now I can’t face her in school. I don’t feel like eating at all and my grades have started slipping. My parents are getting impatient with me, but I can’t stop thinking about her and what a fool I made of myself. Please help me. Teentalker , 15-year-old
Dear Teentalker,
The first thought that crossed my mind when I read this was, “it takes guts to express feelings – good for him!”. I’m impressed by the risk you took by telling this girl how you felt about her – it showed courage and realness, traits we don’t always recognize that we have within us. Although you feel stupid and weak right now, expressing yourself this way will build confidence in yourself over the years – I know it’s hard to imagine the future, but trust me! Here are some steps you can take:
- Reduce how strongly you are feeling embarrassed and stupid by becoming fully involved in something you enjoy.
- Bring closure (make sure its over) for yourself.
- Ask your parents to be patient with you.
Here’s how.
Lets see how to reduce the intensity of your feelings of embarrassment. I know, having been there myself, how painful and utterly foolish you feel when you’ve laid your heart bare only for it to be rejected. What really helped me was figuring out ways to endure the pain until it was no longer there.
It helps to analyze your feelings when you are overwhelmed by sadness and other mixed feelings – maybe you’re feeling angry with the girl, self-pity for yourself and even fear that nobody will ever like you.
What helped me was figuring out what has helped me cope in other situations. Can you think of what really helped you when you were feeling low in the past? Maybe it was a friend who you could vent to, or laugh with. Or maybe it was shifting your focus on to the things you enjoy (although it feels like you enjoy nothing right now, think of what you used to have fun doing!). For me it was delving into a good book, and then a good movie, and then good music, and eventually I realized I was no longer feeling so miserable.
And then sometimes, we also need to get closure from a painful situation. If there isn’t any, sometimes we have to create a closure for ourselves. Maybe you could write a letter to your crush, expressing all your hurt, pain, disappointment and embarrassment? You could choose to send it to her, or to burn or tear it, as a symbol that it’s time to move on.
I know the slipping grades and your impatient parents can add to your anxiety and self-hate. Just think, what are some of the things you have been doing to keep your grades from completely dropping? As you start to shift your attention to feeling better, you’ll notice that your concentration will improve and so will your grades. In the meantime, do you think you could have a conversation with your parents, asking them to be patient for a little while? Sometimes parents don’t realize what their kids are experiencing and just need a heads up!
Hope this helps, if you have any other query do connect online for chat between 11am-8pm or drop us an offline message.
Regards,
Expert Teentalk India