Question : I am a teenager and I recently discovered that I am an adopted child of my parents. I have been ignoring my parents and unsure of how to react. Please help me.
Thank you for writing to us about your concern. I can’t even begin to imagine how blurred your feelings must be to hear something like that after all these years. Coming to terms with it is not that simple and it is completely okay for you to take your time with it.
Confusin, grief, and self – doubt are completely natural in a situation like yours, so don’t feel ashamed if you feel these or any other powerful emotions. Give yourself permission to experience these feelings, and share them with trusted friends and relatives.
Try to be understanding: Do your best to understand your parents’ intentions if they hid the fact that they adopted you. Give them the opportunity to explain why they didn’t tell you. Ask your parents to tell you about the process of finding you, when they brought you home, and how you grew together into a family
Focus on the bonds you’ve formed with your family: Remind yourself that, despite your unique backgrounds, you and your siblings are part of the same family and have equal standing.
Give yourself permission to grieve. You are allowed to grieve for your birth parents, to feel sad that you don’t know them, and to empathize with their life events that led to your adoption. You don’t have to hide these emotions from yourself or your adopted parents.
Try to accept unanswered questions about your adoption. Most adoptees face some degree of uncertainty about their past. Not knowing details about your past doesn’t change anything about your present. You have family and friends who love you and deeply care for you.
Celebrate your values, interests, talents, and goals: Focus on who you’ve become, the qualities you possess, the traits you share with your adopted family, and the life you’ve built. It’s challenging to define yourself when some aspects of your life are uncertain. However, you are more than those uncertainties, so don’t let them cast doubts on your sense of self.
Lastly, take your time to cope with this information and situation. There is no given way of dealing with it. We all cope with different situations in our own ways. Allow yourself time and patience and feel everything you are feeling openly.
Hope this is helpful. If you have any other queries, please chat with us from Monday through Saturday between 11am and 8pm or leave us an offline message.
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