Question : I often tend to get over attached to people in my life. Eventually, when we have to disconnect or go separate ways, it hurts me immensely. Please tell me how can I not get over attached to my loved ones?
Dear Teentalker,
Thank you for reaching out to us with your concern. It can be so painful for us to detach from someone or something after being attached to it for so long. It is natural for us humans to become connected to people, desires, love, family, money luxury and likewise as they help us feel the sense of belonging and serve a need of fulfilment. However, it is also a slippery slope toward becoming over attached and eventually find it hard to disconnect. I can understand your pain and here are some ways you can keep in mind for any future engagements.
We often tend to get attached to people because they obviously serve a purpose in our life. For example, if we want to go out, we like to have company or if we want to go run an errand, we like to do it with someone. This is a very natural thing to feel. However, it is important to recognize that we do not always need somebody to tag along with us. We can do it ourselves and that is good enough. This requires us to be strong and believe in ourselves. You can try to start doing at least one such activity on your own everyday and then increase the number when you feel comfortable.
Next, sometimes it can also be obsessive thinking or behaviour which enables us to be with this person constantly, at all times. If you believe this is the case, you can work on reducing this behaviour by giving yourself at least some time during the day which is without the presence of this person. Gradually, reduce the time spent with this person. To do this more comfortably, you can also find a recreational activity to do in this time which will keep you occupied and diverted. Explore more hobbies and try to incorporate them into your life. This can include, painting, meditating, walking, running, listening to music, reading, knitting, playing a sport, learning a new language or anything you enjoy doing.
It is also important to remind yourself that you are enough for yourself. It is nice to have people around and feel attached however, it is also important to be attached to yourself. Try to practice attachment with yourself. You can use affirmations which you can write and repeat to yourself. These affirmations can include, “I am capable of doing things on my own.”, “I enjoy spending time with myself.”, “ I do not need another person or thing to feel happy.” Or any such statements which will remind you of your strength and your goal of becoming detached.
Relationships need to be healthy which do not involve any kind of interdependence. Begin with building that healthy relationship with yourself as that will further help you draw the line with others as well.
I hope this has been helpful for you. If you wish for further assistance, please do connect with us again. Have faith and keep your head high!
Warm Regards,
Expert Teentalk India