Dear Teentalker,
It sounds like you’ve been trying to work out your gender identity on your own, which can be confusing and could make you feel “abnormal” – like you’re the only one who feels this way. But you’d be surprised to hear how common these feelings are amongst teenagers and adults, and I think you’ve been very brave and self-aware to confront it! Just because it isn’t talked about a lot in the mainstream media doesn’t make it less normal or common.
A few additional pointers to help you:
Dear Teentalker,
It sounds like you’ve been trying to work out your gender identity on your own, which can be confusing and could make you feel “abnormal” – like you’re the only one who feels this way. But you’d be surprised to hear how common these feelings are amongst teenagers and adults, and I think you’ve been very brave and self-aware to confront it! Just because it isn’t talked about a lot in the mainstream media doesn’t make it less normal or common.
A few additional pointers to help you:
- Exploring your gender identity is a perfectly normal, if not widely talked about and accepted, process of life
- Find a friend, teacher, counselor or family member who you trust to talk to and share your burden with
- There is no rush to declare whether you are male or female (or both, or neither) – take your time to explore both sides
- Read online about transgender people and their experiences to feel less alone and to find a community that understands what you are going through
In fact speaking of not fitting in within mainstream boundaries, have you heard of Harnaam Kaur? She has a full beard AND is a runway model – people are standing up for themselves and gaining acceptance too nowadays.
You can feel different from your friends in so many ways – you may enjoy sport while your friends enjoy board games; you may love Justin Bieber while your friends only dig Coldplay. If we extend the metaphor, it isn’t so hard to reach to “your female friends feel female and want to dress in a typically female way, whereas you identify more with being male and thus want to behave and dress in a typically male way”, right? Just because you happen to be born with female genitals and are told that you must behave according to how society expects people with vaginas to behave doesn’t mean you feel like a female. What I’m trying to say is that society has set up rigid expectations and norms, but many of us fall outside of those rules, which can make us feel less accepted. This being said, I think exploring our gender identities can be a work in progress, sometimes spanning our whole life! This means that you don’t have to rush to conform to one or the other (or in some cases both or neither), but you can take as much time as you like to figure out who you are. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just an expression of who you are. I understand though that in the context of Indian society, pushing gender boundaries can feel really scary because there is a real chance of being bullied and marginalized, so before you assert yourself, what do think will ensure your own safety? Perhaps identifying one trusted person in your life who you can talk to frankly may be a way to feel less alone, or go online and read about teens who’ve been through similar experiences.
Hope this helps, if you have any other query do connect online for chat between 11am-8pm or drop us an offline message.
Regards,
Expert Teentalk India
