Teentalk

Dear Teentalker,

Thank you for writing to us about your concern. Having a bunch of negative experiences in life, especially during childhood can really make us feel hopeless and stuck. I can imagine how terrifying these feelings can be for you.

In our opinion, your description of your concern may be the cause of Learned Helplessness. This means that when a person is faced with difficult and challenging situations, they often end up feeling helpless. This sometimes results in the person expecting only negative consequences rather than any positive experiences. It is important to identify the beliefs which have brought yo.....

Dear Teentalker,

Thank you for writing to us about your concern. Having a bunch of negative experiences in life, especially during childhood can really make us feel hopeless and stuck. I can imagine how terrifying these feelings can be for you.

In our opinion, your description of your concern may be the cause of Learned Helplessness. This means that when a person is faced with difficult and challenging situations, they often end up feeling helpless. This sometimes results in the person expecting only negative consequences rather than any positive experiences. It is important to identify the beliefs which have brought you to this point and begin the process of replacing those unhealthy beliefs with more positive and rational beliefs. Taking control back is essential and knowing that positive change is possible. This is not an immediate change but can be developed over time.

Here are some ways you can start this journey of healing - 

• Identify and write down your self-talks and thoughts – Invest in a diary or notebook and start writing thoughts that come to your mind automatically in any situation. Then also write the kind of self-talk you indulge in during these situations. For example, if you are in a difficult situation, what would you be telling yourself? “I can’t handle this because I am not good enough.” Write these thoughts down, which you often find yourself telling yourself. They can be anything. Nobody is going to read them.
• Do a “reality check” against all the negative self-talk – Remember, if your self-talk is very negative, it could lead to low self esteem and/or anxiety. After identifying these thoughts, try to find evidence which support these thoughts. If there are no evidence, then that thought can be ready to be replaced. For example, “I am a failure”. Now try and see everything that you have achieved in life so far. Ask yourself, would a failure be able to accomplish anything? Would a failure be able to wake up each morning and go about with your day?
• Try to find alternative explanations for these thoughts – When you find alternative explanations for these negative thoughts, you will end up feeling more empowered to bring change. For example, if you think you did not perform well in your exam today, it could be because you felt nervous or you did not study that well. This is not because you are a failure. Replacing negative thoughts with realistic and rational thoughts is essential to initiate any kind of change. Once this is processed, you will be able to place yourself in a better mood.
• Recognize your Self-Worth – We are all made of strengths and weaknesses. Make a list of all the possible strengths and positive traits you have. They can be small or big. Anything counts. Write all of them down and keep this list within reach. You can refer to this list at any point that you need a reminder that you are worth it. Dig deep and don’t miss on any minor or major positive trait.
• Celebrate small victories – Set SMART goals. )Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time – Bound). Try to finish at leas one goal each day which will encourage you to finish all the goals by the end of each week. After completing each goal, celebrate with yourself and praise your ability and motivation for doing it. Self-appreciation goes a long way.
• Maintain a self-care regime – Self-care is a very integral part of your life. Just like we take care of others, we need to offer the same care to ourselves. You may include activities like being in nature, taking a walk, exercising, watching something you like, napping, listening to music, meditation, art, playing a sport, writing, journaling or anything that you enjoy into your regular routine.

Restructuring thoughts is challenging but not impossible. This eventually helps you to expand your scope of thinking and feeling which could lead to healthier self-perception and reduce learned helplessness.

Hope this is helpful. If you wish to speak with us further, please connect with us on chat from Monday through Saturday between 11am and 8pm or leave us an offline message.

Regards,

Expert Teentalk India