Dear Teentalker,
Thanks for writing to us. I can understand how abusive and sad you feel at this. I am so sorry to hear that you went through such a traumatic experience. There is no easy way to get through this, so thank you for reaching out and working towards helping yourself – you are not alone we can help you with this.
Here are a few active steps you can take to help yourself:
In Brief:
- Remember that none of this was your fault and you are not to blame
- Extend some compassion towards yourself because you weren’t in a position to have changed anything – and you are now doing everything you can to help yourself
- Your safety is important – try not to be alone with this person
- Although difficult, consider talking to another trusted adult or friend
- Find your Safe Space that you can retreat to when you feel overwhelmed by thoughts, memories and feelings
You’ve been through a physically and emotionally difficult experience but I can assure you that you are going to feel better. Maybe not immediately, but we can work on lessening the intensity of the painful memories and feelings.
Sometimes when we experience something traumatic our mind often considers suicide and self-harm. If you have had these thoughts, please speak to a trusted adult (in case you don’t know who to trust, try using the Who can I speak with tool). You can start by telling them that you’re having negative thoughts and would want to learn how to deal with them.
Let’s address your safety and your feelings of self-blame first. Can the person who raped you approach you whenever they want? Please do not be alone with that person. If there are times when you have to be alone with them, come up with a safety signal for yourself – maybe you could scream or walk off immediately.
I know you wish you could’ve done something to help yourself, but when your body is experiencing something stressful and traumatic, your brain shuts down and often freezes your limbs and throat so you cannot fight back or scream –it is a bodily reaction meant to protect you from further harm. Do you think you can forgive yourself for this natural physical reaction?
Give yourself a break – only then can you begin your healing process… there’s nothing you could have done differently that day. However, you can do something different from today.
Like – who do you feel you can trust with your story? It could be anyone who will keep your story safe and who won’t judge you. If you don’t want to talk to anyone about it, you could read similar experiences of other teens online.
Down the line you might feel powerlessness and anger – we can use it instead of being consumed by it. What kinds of things could you do to channelize these feelings? When some people feel powerless, they focus on what they are good at – this allows them to feel more control over their lives. Similarly, when you’re angry, it can be extremely therapeutic to release the anger in some way – drawing, dribbling a ball, running, dancing, writing in journals. Have you thought about writing a letter to the rapist, filled with your powerful emotions – all the things you want them to hear from you?
And lastly, I know it is a really scary thought but I think you should report this person. You could call 1098, which is the national child relief helpline or Sneha or even the helplines listed on this site. Hope this helps, if you have any other query do connect online for chat between 11am-8pm or drop us an offline message.
Regards,
Expert Teentalk India
