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Self-aware teens are powerful teens. Young adults who are capable of recognising their emotional health problems and dealing with them too, cannot be treated badly. If you also want to be in control of your emotional health, Dr. Seema Hingorrany has some advice to share. Read on... Can neglect be considered as abuse? If a teenager has probably suffered due to neglect by a parent or a pri.....
Self-aware teens are powerful teens. Young adults who are capable of recognising their emotional health problems and dealing with them too, cannot be treated badly. If you also want to be in control of your emotional health, Dr. Seema Hingorrany has some advice to share. Read on...
Yes early emotional neglect also comes under emotional abuse. Most of the neglect cases that I meet; are prone to drugs, prone to smoking and drinking, these kids are more likely to bully people around or get bullied. These neglected kids will never have a focus.
These are the people who either cling too much to people or develop narcissistic personality disorder are all cases of complex PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).
All borderline personality disorders all come from early neglect, from the lack of emotional atonement and lack of parental nurturing.
Speak up. Again, it’s important to talk. Speak to your parents, a trusted relative or a psychologist. Whoever you are comfortable talking to, just talk it out.
It’s the therapeutic alliance that you share with your therapist that helps you start healing.
Men don’t talk. Most men just exhibit symptoms. Most men have mood swings because they have been told not to talk and that is because they have been told that men don’t cry.
Most teen boys just sit here and look up and down but not at me and refuse to open up. Teens boys today are better than what they used to be a few years ago. But it has again got a lot to do with conditioning that you are a boy so you can’t be weak because then who will take care of the family. Grow up, don’t be such a pansy, don’t be a sissy. All this is emotional abuse.
That’s the pressure that the patriarchy puts on boys. When my teenage boy clients finally break down, they say this is the first time they have actually acknowledged their feelings and cried in front of a lady or a girl. They are actually embarrassed about crying to a lady. Whats there to be embarrassed about. Boys are allowed to have emotions.
If it is a one-time traumatic experience then family support and time can heal but in most cases of severe abuse, help is needed because abuse of any kind is going to manifest somewhere as a psychological disorder.
Secondly I suggest that teens read and stay informed about pubic and hormonal changes. So they know what is happening to them.
This has largely to do with parents and their teachings and attitudes.
I’m not saying this because I am a psychologist. But my message to teens and parents is that mental wellbeing and mental health is everything. If you have a sound and a healthy mind, everything will fall in place.
To parents I’d say do not project your insecurities and fears onto your kids. I say this to a lot of parents, that if you need to please take help yourself so you can understand your kid better.
I have had parents breakdown when they realise what they have been doing. I had a client who broke down when she realised she had been abusing her daughter. She would ask her daughter to pick up food from the dustbin and eat just to try and make her humble. All this because she had been treated like that by her parents.
I had to make her realise that this not something a normal person should do. So you need therapy yourself. But some parents don’t care about these things because in our country people are so focused on marks and IIT and engineering and medical that they just don’t focus on anything else. All they want is their child to become a doctor or an engineer so they can show off to the neighbours and relatives.
So I suggest parents take their child’s needs more seriously than the societal expectations.
Abuse leading to suicide is a high possibility. Because no one ever wants to actually kill themselves. Suicide is always a cry for help. When emotions get so overwhelming that they think no one loves them, no one will help them that is when people kill themselves.
Most suicide survivors I have spoken to tell me that they just wanted to be heard, they wanted to tell people that I am here can you hear me.
So please note that trauma and abuse both exist and my message to teens and parents is that don’t feel helpless. It can be worked upon and we are here to help.
It’s really sad that we don’t teach our teen to express emotions. Even if kids do tell their parents that this uncle or that person abused me sexually, parents are like shut up. They shut the kid up because of the fear of confrontation and the fear that no one will marry my daughter. This is not done.
I tell parents, if you don’t want to do a police complaint at least walk up to the relative and confront them. In our country, teens are treated like some material that is waiting to be married off. Parents are not willing to put work in the cases of abuse victim kids. They tell me, in this room do something and make her better.
Sometimes I have found that it was a one-time assault. Sometimes by cooks or by drivers and these are young children so they haven’t spoken to anyone about it.
So the only way to deal with abuse is by understanding that you still have to report it and talk about it. Reach out to whoever you trust but talk about it. Know that it is ok to be angry and it is ok to be sad but also know that these emotions have a bandwidth and that they should not go into an overdrive.
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