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A letter to my parents…

A letter to my parents…

I think this letter might upset you in many ways. But I thought it would be better to write down my feelings as it is easier for me.

I feel alone all the time. A part of me is unhappy. Gradually and steadily I started liking the feeling of being alone. But who likes to be alone? Maybe sometimes everyone wants their private space but how about living in complete absence of people.

I feel pain. The depth of pain is experienced by the one who is experiencing it. No person other than him can experience it. It’s true that when you need someone to stand by you, all of them vanish.

I feel helpless. I look back at my life and ask myself, “How many happy moments do I wish to remember?” None comes to my mind. Grief, sorrow, regret, agony and pain have enveloped my mind that not even the tiniest ray of joy penetrates into it. My heart seems to just beat, bleed the pain. Every breath reminds me of the misfortune that I’m still alive.

The pain is embedded in my heart. When life offered a way to change, there were others to stop. Rejection is when hope dies. Dusk follows dawn, but what if dusk overpowers dawn, what if one is just living because one cannot die.

Strong surges of emotion travel through me; mostly of hatred. I don’t feel right, I just don’t belong here. Just because I breathe does not mean I’m living, just because I smile does not mean I’m happy, just because my heart beats does not mean I’m alive.

 

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A story of two great buddies, untill...one slashed his wrists

Is putting a full stop to your life the solution to feeling depressed? Read Keshav's story of overcoming the mental illness.

Rahul and Keshav were best of friends. They used to go for Maths tuition together, spend hours jamming and listening to The Beatles, argue over Nadal and Federer, go on school trips together and make fun of each other by posting embarrassing videos on Instagram.

It took ten years to build their rock solid bond only to be broken into ten million pieces one fine day. This was the day Keshav broke down and cut his wrists. Family members came to his aid trying to figure out the reason for his attempted suicide, but they could not understand why Keshav took such a life-altering step. Slowly, Keshav could not concentrate on Maths, would get irritated while listening to music (even his favourite Hey Jude! song by The Beatles could not cheer him up), lost interest in Tennis, spent most of his time locked up in his room and withdrew himself completely from social media.

Friends assumed he was going through a phase. Rahul was clueless, but carried on with his life. In no time, Rahul had become the school captain for Tennis, and Keshav was left behind the net, feeling shredded with jealousy towards his best friend. It was only when Keshav's mother read about Deepika Padukone's journey of depression that she instantly figured what was wrong with her kid. She got in touch with a psychologist, and set up a meeting. It was soon revealed that Keshav was suffering from depression.

How you should not confuse Depression with a 'phase'

We all have phases in our lives, bouts of sadness, a span of loneliness, even a month of melancholy. But, they come and they go. Depression is a mental illness that has to be treated by a doctor. Imagine this, you are running wildly in a 400-metre race with wind slamming your face and your adrenaline pumping to unimaginable levels. All of a sudden, your lace opens and gets caught underneath your feet, and you fall, face-down on the ground. The next second, your shirt is covered with blood. You immediately rush to the hospital to get the wound healed. Similarly, when our mind faces a similar accident, we should consult a doctor. Just because a wound is not visible, does not mean it does not need medical attention.

How Keshav felt:

- He lost interest in activities he earlier used to enjoy doing.

- He would cry frequently and could not come up with a valid reason.

- He easily felt jealous of his friend's accomplishments.

- He briefly got addicted to substances such as drugs.

- He experienced suicidal thoughts.

Teentalk India Expert Kshitija Sawant gives tips on how to deal with depressive thoughts: 

1.Force yourself to do some work and get involved in activities. Try doing small tasks each day and rewarding yourself each time you finish working on them.

2. When you start doing small things, it will motivate you to take the next step and that’s how you will be able to move ahead in life.This is easier said than done, but once you take the first step, you’ll realize that it was worth the try.

3. Your competition should only be with yourself. Focus on your strengths and be aware of your weaknesses.

4. Ask yourself, what are the advantages of taking drugs? What are the disadvantages of taking drugs? What are the advantages of not taking drugs? What are the disadvantages of not taking drugs? Responding to each of these will give you the much needed clarity.

5. When you are thinking about suicide, it’s because you‘ve come to believe there’s no other way out. Instead, try to focus on looking for solutions, no matter how serious the issue is. Talk to a Counsellor, reach out to a Psychiatrist  will go a long way in reducing and eventually eliminating suicidal thoughts.

What Keshav's parents did

- Instead of worrying about society's stigma attached to mental illness, Keshav's parents listened to what he had to say.

- They became more patient and tolerant to his mood and habits.

- They scheduled weekly trips to the psychologist and began Keshav's treatment.

- They increased "family time" and encouraged Keshav to express himself without judgement.

- They got Keshav a pet dog.

- They never stopped loving Keshav.

The journey is more important than the end

In this journey of helping Keshav overcome depression, his parents learnt a fair deal themselves. They became more accepting, loving and humble individuals. Keshav has started enjoying life again. His current favourite band is Daft Punk, his favourite subject is Political Science and has a lovely girlfriend. It is evident that Keshav could not have survived without the support of his parents.

If you have a story from your life where you have overcome a personal tragedy, write and send it to edit@teentalkindia.com.

We will edit and publish it. Furthermore, if you have a query regarding any issue, email at expert@teentalkindia.com.

 

 

If you have a story to share, Email it to us HERE.

If you have a query, Email it to us HERE.

You can also chat with the counsellor by clicking on Teentalk Expert Chat.

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Disclaimer: TeentalkIndia does not offer emergency services and is not a crisis intervention centre, if you or someone you know is experiencing acute distress or is suicidal/self harming, please contact the nearest hospital or emergency/crisis management services or helplines.