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Managing your sex desire when you’re single

Your sex desire doesn’t have to feel out of control. You can cope up with it by growing as a whole person, learning to get your desires met, and remaining in a relationship

How can you manage your sex drive in a healthy manner? Is masturbation the only option? There are many people around us with the same notion. I want to bring some autonomy and let you know that managing your sex desires is absolutely possible. Not to forget that mentioning the drawbacks of masturbation, particularly if you’ve heard masturbation as the only (normal and healthy) option for controlling your sex drive, is essential. The truth is that the more you do it, the more heightened sex drive becomes. Many times, it's because our sexual desires have less to do with sex and more to do with physical, emotional or spiritual health.

Let’s focus on how you can control this:

Practice self-awareness: Self-awareness is to know yourself: what you like, what you don’t like, etc. When we face any uncomfortable feeling, we begin to seek our comfort. This comfort may come from healthy relationships, it may come as addictions to food, drugs, T.V. or sex. But we must find permanent solutions to our repetitive issues, be it a lack of closeness, too much stress or anything else.

Learn self-control: Teens want instant gratification. Delaying gratification is not a popular idea like we all want to be thin, but don't want to exercise. If this has been your pattern, you need to learn to say ‘no’ to ourselves sometimes if we are going to gain the benefits of a healthy life later on.

Distract yourself: To change your thinking, you've got to start doing something different. For example, instead of staying in bed, get up, read something, or play a game. In a moment of weakness, you need to rewire your brain and body; don't give in; find another activity and distract yourself.

Stay aware about your needs: There are elementary relational needs all of us have such as linking, intimacy, being known, etc., and often masturbation can act as a quick fix to us when any these needs go unmet. Like, for females, to feel known and to feel valued; they masturbate. Men may feel the desire to masturbate when they have felt helpless, or disrespected. Having enough healthy emotional association with those around you will help bring your sex drive moderate.

Awareness about your triggers: Being aware of what triggers your sex drive or stimulants is important. What are you watching (movies, TV shows, commercials, etc.) or what are you listening to (music, radio). With sexual stimulants all around us it can be quite easy to be sexually aroused, so just be aware of what you are feeding your body, soul, and spirit.

Think of like this: you can’t have every sweet thing that you see otherwise you will become a diabetic. You can’t have sex every time you are aroused. You’re learning how to manage your sex drive now so later you’ll know how to divert that desire toward one person.

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Coming Out to your parents as someone belonging to LGBTQ

A common nightmare of everyone who has joined the LGBTQ club is of coming out to their parents.

Not all of us are sure of our gender and our sexual preferences. For many, it happens later in life that they realise of being ‘different’ from what they are generally perceived as. Then comes the most difficult part, which is informing your parents and family of the same. Coming out as a transgender can be a vivid experience raging from scary to liberating. There is no right or wrong way to come out but some pointers to keep in mind and it might be a little easy to handle.

What does ‘Coming Out’ mean

Coming Out means that you tell people of your preferred pronouns, whether you’d like to be called as he/she, him/her, them/they etc. It also means that you inform people to think of you by the gender identity that you are comfortable with. Coming out as a trans is your personal decision and is different for everyone. You can decide to come out before your social or medical transition, or you may choose to come out after it. You can also choose whether you want to come out to different people at different times or not to come out to some people at all. Everything is fine and only you can decide what’s right for you.

There are difference between coming out as a gay, lesbian, trans or bisexual. While gay and lesbian are commonly understood words, trans may be a new term to many, especially our parents.

How to Come Out to parents

Before coming out to your parents, there are a few things that you should consider. Think about your parent’s religious beliefs and views on homosexuality first. This will give you an idea on how they would react to it. After this contemplate if you are ready to tell them, especially if their reaction might not be entirely positive. However, if you are ready then here are few more guidelines for you.

  • Accept the fact that your parents might get upset initially.
  • Show that you do understand their opinions however you too are going through a rough patch of your life.
  • Do not try to talk to them when they are busy with other things.
  • Practice before you actually speak to them. Know what you want to say beforehand.
  • Specify the time when you began to question your sexual orientation.
  • Give them some time to absorb the news. Many parents actually come around as more supportive after the initial shock is over.
  • Provide a point in time when you began to question your sexual orientation.

If you still are confused about your orientation or are facing trouble in coming out, our experts are always there to help. You can chat with us between 11 am to 8 pm or write an email to us at [email protected]. We’d be happy to help!

If you have a story to share, Email it to us HERE.

If you have a query, Email it to us HERE.

You can also chat with the counsellor by clicking on Teentalk Expert Chat.

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