Teentalk

Not all of us are sure of our gender and our sexual preferences. For many, it happens later in life that they realise of being ‘different’ from what they are generally perceived as. Then comes the most difficult part, which is informing your parents and family of the same. Coming out as a transgender can be a vivid experience raging from scary to liberating. There is no right or wrong way to come out but some pointers to keep in mind and it might be a little easy to handle.

What does ‘Coming Out’ mean

Coming Out means that you tell people of your preferred pronouns, whether you’d like to be called as he/she, him/her, them/they etc. It also means that you inform people to think of you by the gender identity that you are comfortable with. Coming out as a trans is your personal decision and is different for everyone. You can decide to come out before your social or medical transition, or you may choose to come out after it. You can also choose whether you want to come out to different people at different times or not to come out to some people at all. Everything is fine and only you can decide what’s right for you.

There are difference between coming out as a gay, lesbian, trans or bisexual. While gay and lesbian are commonly understood words, trans may be a new term to many, especially our parents.

How to Come Out to parents

Before coming out to your parents, there are a few things that you should consider. Think about your parent’s religious beliefs and views on homosexuality first. This will give you an idea on how they would react to it. After this contemplate if you are ready to tell them, especially if their reaction might not be entirely positive. However, if you are ready then here are few more guidelines for you.

• Accept the fact that your parents might get upset initially.
• Show that you do understand their opinions however you too are going through a rough patch of your life.
• Do not try to talk to them when they are busy with other things.
• Practice before you actually speak to them. Know what you want to say beforehand.
• Specify the time when you began to question your sexual orientation.
• Give them some time to absorb the news. Many parents actually come around as more supportive after the initial shock is over.
• Provide a point in time when you began to question your sexual orientation.

If you still are confused about your orientation or are facing trouble in coming out, our experts are always there to help. You can chat with us between 11 am to 8 pm or write an email to us at expert@teentalkindia.com. We’d be happy to help!

Typically consent is considered in the context of some kind of physical activity with a partner. Both the partners should be able to comfortably and openly talk and agree about what kind of activity they want to engage in. It could be mere touching, holding, kissing, intercourse or anything else, it’s essential that both the partners should feel comfortable with whatever is happening.

Consent DOES NOT ONLY mean that only one person has the responsibility to accept or resist an activity. It is also about what someone does NOT want to do, rather than being about telling what they want to do. If consent isn’t given by both the partners, then it is considered as sexual assault.

How does it works

People, especially teens, feel that talking about getting a consent will be either awkward or ruin the moment, however, that’s not so. Note that when both the partners feel safe and can freely talk to each other about what they want, they’d both be more positive. You can consider having these talks when you’re not being physically intimate.

However, if you are caught in the heat if the moment, here are some suggestive things to say:

• Are you comfortable?
• Is this okay?
• Do you want to slow down?
• Do you want to go any further?

What consent looks like

• Communicating in every step of the way.
• Know that when they don’t say “no,” it doesn’t mean “yes.” Consent should be clear and enthusiastic. If your partner stays silent and doesn’t respond or says “May be”, then that’s not a “yes”.
• Break away from gender rules. Girls are not the only ones who might want to take it slow. Also, it’s not a guy’s job to initiate the action.

These should NOT be considered as signs of consent

• Presuming that dressing sexy, flirting, accepting a drink etc. is a way of giving consent to anything more.
• Saying yes or nothing under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
• Saying yes because you feel too pressured or afraid to say no.

Is Consent necessary every time?

Yes! In a healthy relationship, it is vital that you discuss and respect each other’s limits on a regular basis. If your partner has given consent once for any activity it does not mean they are also consenting for the same forever. No matter if it’ the first time or the hundredth, whether you’re committed or not, consent is necessary every time. After all, everyone has a right to their body and to feel comfortable with how they use it.