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What to do if your boyfriend makes fun of you in front of his friends

The scars of emotional abuse is not visible to the naked eye. Learn ways to deal with it.

I don’t like the way he talks to me, anymore. Earlier, I did not heed the warning signs. He makes fun of me. I ignored it the first time around, but repeatedly doing so is not right. More so, it is annoying. I know that it might not happen again. I will not put up with this. If I do not make conversation with him, things will die down.

However, it did not bother me much in the beginning when we started dating. He used to make fun but I enjoyed the attention I was getting. Slowly, his taunts and comments started affecting me. My friends told me that I was being very sensitive. “Is it a bad thing to be sensitive?” Without realising what he was doing, I would put myself under tremendous emotional trauma for five years. It was terrible.   

Sadly, I let go of the relationship. Getting over him and healing was a difficult journey. Not only would I give in to the temptation to message him after the break-up, I would still meet him when he made plans. Initially, I thought he might stop treating me like a doormat in front of his friends, but the reality of the situation hit me when we went out for his birthday with his friends. 

Since it was his birthday, I stood up to give a toast. I thought it to be a nice gesture for me to say a few words about him.

“Knowing you for 5 years has made me understand that you are a kind person. You help people in need.”

Unfortunately, instead of thanking me, he replied with “thanks” and started giggling. He ignored me for the rest of the evening and eventually went out to another pub with his friends.

In-house counsellor Kshitija Sawant explains “It’s emotional abuse. Many people associate abuse with injuries that are visible, but in the case of emotional abuse, the scars are not very obvious and might, in fact, be deeper than what they appear to be”

Here are some tips to keep in mind if you face a similar situation:

1. If another person’s behaviour makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself, what about the situation made you feel uneasy? Why did you feel that way? Did you feel disrespected? Did you feel violated emotionally? If the answer to all of the above questions is yes, then you’re probably dealing with emotional abuse.

2. If and whenever, try to talk to your boyfriend in private and let him know about the way he made you feel. You might also want try to understand his perspective before taking a final decision.

3. If the taunts continue to persist, even after addressing your concerns to your partner, then walk away from such a relationship. You deserve a lot better!

4. Go ‘cold turkey’ (that is don’t maintain any contact with the person even as a friend) for at least a year or forever and allow yourself to heal completely, before moving on.

We're here for you. If you are in a similar situation, you can chat with the Teentalk India expert by clicking on the LIVE CHAT option on the Homepage.

If you have a story to share, Email it to us HERE.

If you have a query, Email it to us HERE.

You can also chat with the counsellor by clicking on Teentalk Expert Chat.

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NEXT STORY


Does ambition and friendship go hand in hand? Read Utkarsh’s story to find out!

We make many friends in school, some stay and some leave. But, how do we judge which ones should stay?

He was racing to be the Head Boy of the school. He didn’t care to make friends. He had enough competitors. He had enough of them to keep him going towards his goal. Every morning, upon waking up, he would decide a way to win; to seize the day. Win in school. Win against all the challenges thrown at him. He did succeed, eventually. But, in the process of being the winner, he lost quite a lot deal. The price he paid was: friendship.

Stronger, taller and sharper

Utkarsh was a bright boy, always striving to be the best in everything that he pursued. Be it sports, academics or co-curricular activities. From an early age, he was brought up to think that there is no mountain big enough for him to conquer. No task hard enough for his wise mind to handle. No mortal brave enough to stand in his way. Did over-confidence come in his way, at times. Did he feel superior to his classmates, at times. Did he consider himself to be different from the lot, all the time.

Who’s that girl?

Once, he was selected to represent his school for a prestigious debate competition along with Naina. They started working together and helped each other out. They became good friends along the way. They brought the trophy back home. While both were equally talented and able to hold the prestige of the school, Utkarsh always got the credit for winning the competition. On numerous occasions, he did mention that it was a team effort. But his words got drowned in the multitude of compliments that were showered upon him. It was not his fault, but it was not her fault either. She accepted the reality and moved on. He, on the other hand, became even more entitled.

The event that changed their lives

Their friendship became even stronger. Recognising that their shared effort produced excellent results, the head of the Culture activities at school decided to hand them the responsibility of hosting the Annual Day Celebrations.

They met for an hour every day after school, and brainstormed ideas on how to present the speech. They rehearsed with each other and corrected each other’s mistakes. They got home food and nimbu paani to have at the end of the tiring days. They were ready to shine.

The show begins…

On the day of the event, he wore a black suit and she a white dress, ready to host the evening with grandeur. They pulled it off with perfection. When the audience’s applause reached them, they looked at each other and broke into a satisfying smile. Both looked forward to meeting their parents, friends and parents of other classmates after the event. As soon as they walked into the dinner area, people swarmed around them, congratulating, shaking their hand. But, the general air of appreciation was for Naina. She received compliments for not only being warm and efficient, but also radiant and happy.

This triggered a bout of jealously in Utkarsh. After all, he was the one who taught her how to pronounce certain words correctly, he was the one who corrected the structure of the speech and he was the one who played the part of the other half.

He started distancing himself from her, not responding and reacting. He became distant. Her sight didn’t please him. She tried to ask him the reason for his absurd behaviour; he closed off even further and told her, “he was stressed because of exams.” Naina felt the loss of a friend, but like she did with many things in life, she moved on.

Utkarsh on the other hand, lost another friend.

If you have a story to share with us, send it to edit@teentalkindia.com. If you have a query, email to expert@teentalkindia.com.

If you have a story to share, Email it to us HERE.

If you have a query, Email it to us HERE.

You can also chat with the counsellor by clicking on Teentalk Expert Chat.

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