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How to be friends with your EX?

It’s not easy to remain friends with an ex, but it is not impossible.

Saying goodbye to an ex and their companionship is extremely difficult, that’s why most people like the idea of remaining friends post-breakup too. The idea of giving up movie dates and cute GIF-filled texts seems less difficult when you can still hang out and be a part of each other’s lives. So how do you stay friends with your ex?

Our Teentalkindia expert shares tips on how to build a friendship with your ex that is filled with mutual respect and care with little awkwardness.

Give your break up sometime: It’s really important to give each other space and time to heal and the amount of time apart is completely different for each individual.

Rule out ‘why’:  Are you requiring emotional support, or is it because you just really enjoy your ex’s company? Clarifying your motives behind the friendship will determine whether or not staying friends with your ex is actually a healthy, thing for you to do.

Reach out: If you’ve ruled that your reasons for staying friends are valid, it’s now safe to reach out. If they respond back, tell them how much you’d like to maintain a friendship and ask if they feel the same way.

Don’t fall back into old patterns: Once you’re getting along, it’s super easy to fall back into old ways. Treat him/her respect and communicate only when you need to.

Behave like a friend, not an ex: You might share a romantic history, but now, don’t bring up any old arguments, no sexual flirtation. Enjoy and be grateful for the connection you two share now.

It might be possible he/she get someone new in their life. Then, behave in a sensible and in a gracious manner and support your ex’s attempt in moving on. Take to heart that his or her new relationship is actually a huge sign that your friendship is working. Be the type of friend you would like to have in your life, and your ex is sure to follow by example.

‘Not lovers, not enemies, just friends with memories’

If you have a story to share, Email it to us HERE.

If you have a query, Email it to us HERE.

You can also chat with the counsellor by clicking on Teentalk Expert Chat.

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The psychological trauma of parental divorce

As hard a divorce for parents is, so is for the kids. They undergo numerous emotional changes and not understand it many times.

For Suhani, parental divorce was an overwhelming situation in terms of changing schools, moving to a new home, and living with a single parent. But you know, in the past people have often decided to wait until the children are older, thinking that a stable family home is important in the early years. Infact, parental separation or divorce is a common event associated with posttraumatic stress.

Like Suhani, you as a kid are likely to experience distress, anger, anxiety, and disbelief. But some of them, seem to bounce back. They get used to changes in their daily routines and they grow comfortable with their living arrangements. There can be a number of questions in your mind as well like, ‘Where I will go, which school I will go, with whom I have to live?’


Let’s learn about the stressful events associated with Divorce:


Mental Health Problems: You may face issues like adjustment disorders, depression, alienation or anxiety. Children may even feel guilty, blaming themselves for the problems at home. 


Behavior Problems: Some kids display, impulsive behavior, conduct disorder, or child delinquency or indulge in risk taking behavior like substance abuse or early sexual activity, sleep issues, etc.


Negative academic performance: Low grades in academics or frequent school dropout rate.


Because divorce can be such a big change, adjustments in living arrangements should be handled gradually. So here are a few ways to deal with it.


Seek Psychological aid: Try to reach out form some psychological counseling or therapy that helps you to control your emotions and behavior during this tough period. Like learn relaxation techniques, benefit of writing therapy, etc.


Socialize more: This can certainly help you as when meet other people you learn about their experiences or you get the opportunity to vent your emotions and experiences. This diverts your mind and you feel good when interact with new or known people.


Keep patience: Patience is the key during the period of turmoil. Reassure yourself that it’s just the phase and this will pass soon.


Avoid making comparisons: Everyone has their strengths/weaknesses, different conditions/situations; you just need to focus on figuring out what is yours. Remember, the phrase, “The grass is always greener on the other side”. So think rationally and don’t get carried away by disturbing thoughts.

 

If you have a story to share, Email it to us HERE.

If you have a query, Email it to us HERE.

You can also chat with the counsellor by clicking on Teentalk Expert Chat.

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Disclaimer: TeentalkIndia does not offer emergency services and is not a crisis intervention centre, if you or someone you know is experiencing acute distress or is suicidal/self harming, please contact the nearest hospital or emergency/crisis management services or helplines.