There is a natural anxiety for doing well in exams. Especially in class 10 and 12 when the results of those exams are going to determine your future and your career. There is bound to be pressure. In such a situation, Dr Maya Kirpalani says that, “telling doesn’t help. In fact when the teenager is told that there is pressure, it gets doubled.”

There is immense responsibility of the parents in such a situation. “Parents and the teenager need to sit and have a supportive dialogue.” Some of the questions that can be asked are:

• Are you anxious?
• What do you think the worst thing that can happen?

After opening the floor to a dialogue and gauging response, emphathise with the teenager.

Facing the fear

Oftentimes, when teenagers are not able to fulfil expectations, they tend to self-blame. “This is called a ruminative thought pattern where they keep repeating beliefs such as “I am a failure” to themselves on loop.” The key to breaking this pattern is to inject a new thought-process that says that, “By re-inforcing that you are not a failure and this is a feeling with help,” says Kirpalani. Also not letting them get weighed down by their feelings will help, she adds.

Many things can bother teenagers such as:

• I am not as good as my friend
• Fear of failure
• Fear of not reaching the goal

Parents attitude matters

Teenagers need to be heard and listened to but sometimes parents are over anxious and expect a lot from their kids. Some points to keep in mind:

• Comparison might dishearten the teenager
• Injecting values such as perseverance will help
• Family environment matters. If there are fights, the teenager might get distracted
• Families need to talk to their teens about their dreams, fears, aspirations in addition to their academic goals
• Teaching kids gratitude and discipline

A teenager shares his tale of controlling anger

In Vishal’s case (name changed to protect identity) anger took extreme forms. “If someone annoyed me or didn’t do things like I wanted or if anything didn’t go right I would get pissed,” he says. After a fight with his younger sister, Vishal broke the glass door of his garden. He felt guilt and apologised. Upon regular guidance from his mother, he tried to control his bouts of anger. “I started taking deep breaths and being more accepting. I meditated as a way to improve my focus for studying but it probably made me calmer and less angry,” he says.

Why do you get angry?

Understand that anger is an emotion caused by something that is happening in your life. It can be:

• Feeling frustrated about how life is going
• Getting bullied at school
• Hormonal changes in your body
• Having to cope with tremendous pressure
• Feeling hurt because of a break-up

There can be many more reasons for someone to be angry.

What are some of the signs of being angry

• Increase in your heartbeat
• Welling up of emotions
• Sweating
• Raising your voice
• Picking arguments

Tips for managing anger, according to our in-house Counselor  Kshitija  Sawant:

• Take 5 deep breaths and count to 100: Distracting your mind from angry thoughts will help you regain your sense of cool.
•  Take a walk: The idea is to get up, take a quick walk and come back. A change of place will help you.
• Talk to someone: Share why you are angry with someone. This can be a friend, cousin, sibling or a trusted adult.
• Exercise: If you experience anger on a regular basis, letting off steam by getting regular exercise is a good idea.
• Deal with the trigger: Introspect and understand what makes you angry in the first place. Write down the reasons. The next time you feel the same way, distract your mind.

If you need help, you can email your concern to [email protected]. You can also curb your anger by using this tool under Toolbox - Relationships - Dealing With Anger here: http://www.teentalkindia.com/toolbox/relationships