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Are sexual thoughts and fantasies normal?

Dr Rajan Bhonsle provides key insight on the how's and why's of having sexual thoughts. Read on to find out...

Mahesh was from a religious family, and his father was the head priest of a temple. On entering adolescence he was expected to be a good boy. He did not make eye contact with girls. His growing sexuality came in the way of his upbringing. It was because of this reason that his sexual fantasies were crazy. He would totally go berserk in his thoughts. He would imagine being in orgies. He would imagine sexual scenarios that were not usual. He masturbated on a regular basis for many years. His parents found a girl for him and it was an arranged marriage set-up. Unfortunately the problem started from the first day of marriage. His shy wife did not want to be part of his sexual fantasies. He would ask his wife to invite her sister to participate in group sex. He would also find flaws in his wife’s physical experience. Sadly, their marriage ended in three months as the wife could not keep up with Mahesh’s sexual wants.

Is something wrong with Mahesh?

According to Dr Rajan Bhonsle, sexologist, it was Mahesh’s rigid upbringing that had resulted in this behaviour. He goes on to explain that during Mahesh’s teenage years, he supressed his sexual urges. This resulted in wild fantasies. Since after marriage, he has the chance to explore his sexual fantasies, but because they are extremely wild in nature, his wife did not understand why he insisted on doing that. After one session of counselling, Mahesh’s wife understood his thought process. Mahesh gradually let go of his wounded past and tried to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with his wife. His wife then agreed to give their marriage a second chance.

Why do young teenagers, especially boys experience sexual fantasies?

“From adolescence onwards, most people have sexual fantasies that serve a variety of functions and result in a wide range of responses within the individual. Some are pleasant or stimulating; others are confusing, embarrassing or even shocking,” says Dr Rajan Bhonsle, sexologist.

  • During adolescence, 10-19 years, boys and girls start becoming sexually mature.
  • Apart from physical changes, lots of emotional and psychological changes start taking place.
  • This is why strong sexual feelings and thoughts start crossing the minds.
  • Unusual and unexpected sexual dreams, strong physical attraction for the opposite sex and urge to impress the opposite sex emerge, among other things.
  • These psychological and emotional changes are more body and sex oriented for boys and more romance and heart related for girls.
  • Around 12 to 16 years of age, boys will find themselves getting sexually attracted to every other woman. They also find themselves attracted to women in their twenties and thirties.

“In spite of strong sexual urges they find themselves helpless, as these elder women show little or no sexual interest in them. This frustrates adolescent boys. This provokes fantasies,” explains Dr Rajan Bhonsle, sexologist.

This example is from Dr Rajan Bhonsle’s book titled The Complete Book of Sex Education.

If you want to understand what changes to expect once you hit puberty, you can click on the Videos tab and select Puberty. Watch the Factsheet and other videos to gain clarity. Furthermore, if you have questions about your sexuality, you can visit Videos - Sexuality and LGBTQ - Factsheet for better insight.

Alternatively, if you have a query and need expert help, email to the Teentalk Buddy at expert@teentalkindia.com.

 

 

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Pubic changes to expect once you hit puberty

Your body is about to surprise you with those pubic changes, let’s get you prepared for what’s coming next…

It’s the time of your life people! This is the only phase of your life when you will be a teenager. And if our word is anything to go by, you must embrace this phase with all your heart before it’s too late. This however is also when you will experience huge shifts; emotionally and physically. These changes will open up a whole new world for you. You will discover things about yourself that you never thought existed. You might even find yourself grappling with these changes.

This journey to self-discovery can be both; scary and exciting. But if you are well armed with information about puberty and teens, you can go ahead and enjoy this phase without having to worry much.  

Read on as Dr. Ankesh Sahetya lists down all the pubic changes you can expect as you dive into your teens and tells you how to deal with it all without getting overwhelmed…

Girls Edition –

At age 11

Expect growth spurts. For example your height will increase.

Between age 11 to 14

Expect – Development of breast buds (Thelarche)

To deal with it – Speak to an older female you trust. It could be you mother, sister, granny or a teacher. Discuss the type of under garments you need to provide support and comfort.

Between age 12 to 14

Expect – Development of Axillary and Pubic hair (Adrenarche)

To deal with it – You could trim, shave or wax your pubic hair. Choose   your preferred method but maintain utmost personal hygiene. It is important to clean your vaginal area with basic soap and water, avoid a very alkaline soap. It might affect the Ph of your Vagina and cause vaginal discharge.

Between age 11 to 14

Expect – Beginning of your Menstrual cycle (Menarche)

To deal with it – Speak to an older female you trust. It could be your mom, sister, granny or a teacher. Discuss menstrual hygiene and usage of sanitary pads with your trusted lady or read up online. Once you know how it works, you will ease into using it naturally.

Make sure you tell yourself (if your mom hasn’t pacified you enough already) that this is an absolutely normal phenomenon, and all women go through it. If the cramps are too bad, consult your physician for pain killers.

After age 11

Expect – Acne, breakouts, oily skin, dandruff.

To deal with it – Start maintaining high standards of facial hygiene. Use a good face wash – preferably to eliminate oily skin. Prevent formation of acne and black heads by avoiding the triggers and keep skin pores clean.

Between age 16 to 18

Expect – Complete development of breasts. Your curves will now start showing aka expect development of your feminine figure (hips and breasts) ie: broadening of hips, development of a feminine tone.

To deal with it – Again speak to an older female you trust (mother/ sister/ teacher). Discuss the kind and size of under garments you need and buy them. 

Expect – Yourself to mentally and sub-consciously get attracted to the opposite sex.

To deal with it – Understand that this is an absolutely natural phenomenon. Make sure you equip yourself well with all the knowledge you need about sex, contraception and sexuality. Be aware of teenage problems, safety and pregnancies.

Boys Edition –

Between age 12 to 13

Expect growth spurts. For example your height will increase.

Between age 12 to 14

Expect – Development of Axillary and Pubic hair. (Adrenarche)

To deal with it – You could trim or shave your pubic hair. Choose   your preferred method but maintain utmost personal hygiene. It is important to clean your pubic area with basic soap and water, avoid a very alkaline soap.

Between age 12 to 14

Expect – Enlargement and darkening of the Penis and scrotum.

To deal with it – Know that it is normal, there is nothing to worry about.

After age 11

Expect – Acne, oily skin, Dandruff to surface.

To deal with it – Start maintaining high standards of facial hygiene.

Use a good face wash – preferably to eliminate oily skin. Prevent formation of acne and black heads by avoiding the triggers and keep skin pores clean.

Between age 12 to13

Expect – Night falls. You might also get wet dreams and random untimely erections.

To deal with it – Speak to someone older, it could be your mom if you are comfortable or your father or brother. It could even be a teacher you trust. Read up online about night falls and erections and you will know these are a natural phenomenon.

Between age 12 to16

Expect – Development of your masculine physique. That is your shoulders will broaden and your stature will start looking masculine. You will experience cracking of voice and develop a masculine tone.

To deal with it – Again speak to someone older. Preferably a male father figure who has been through what you are now experiencing. 

Between age 14 to18

Expect – Yourself to mentally and sub-consciously get attracted to the opposite sex.

To deal with it – Understand that this is an absolutely natural phenomenon. Make sure you equip yourself well with all the knowledge you need about sex, contraception and sexuality. Be aware of teenage problems, safety and pregnancies.

 

If you have a story to share, Email it to us HERE.

If you have a query, Email it to us HERE.

You can also chat with the counsellor by clicking on Teentalk Expert Chat.

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