Teentalk

We all have rough days, with or without a reason. And we all have different ways to deal with it. Many researchers claim that music has a prominent effect on our moods and emotions, mainly because of brain dopamine regulation, which is a neurotransmitter involved in emotional behaviour and mood regulation. Moreover, there are plenty of researches which back the fact that songs and their lyrics have a dominant effect on our moods and can turn a bad day into a cheerful or at least a calmer one.

Here are few of the prominent findings of various researches conducted by different universities to demonstrate the effect of music on the mood of teenagers.

• Music gives a sense of belonging to teens
• Creating music provides the freedom of being themselves; to be unique; to be something they thought they could never be; to be comfortable and relaxed
• Music helps adolescents to release or control emotions and aids in coping with difficult situations such as peer pressure, substance abuse, pressures of study and family, etc.
• Teenagers believe that developing musical skills and performance is important as it paves the way to musical opportunities
• Teens believe that music is an integral part of life and that music reflects their culture and society
• Teens feel that playing music teaches self-discipline such as “there are payoffs if you practice and stick with something”
• Adolescents are of the opinion that playing music diminishes boundaries between people of different ethnic backgrounds, age groups, and social interests

Here are a few songs along with their selective powerful lines that you should have in your playlist. Or even better create a playlist called “Bad day”, “cheer up”, etc.
 

• “Bulletproof” by la roux
•  “Uncloudy Day” by Willie Nelson
•  “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child
• “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey
• “Un Poco Loco” by Anthony Gonzalez and Gael Garcia Bernal
• “Latch” by Disclosure ft. Sam Smith
• “Another Day in the Sun” by LA LA Land
• “Girl from the North Country” by Johnny Cash + Bob Dylan
• “Smile” by Lily Allen
• “Lovely” by Billie Eilish ft. Khalid
• “Have it all” by Jason Mraz
• “I like it” by J Balvin, Cardi B and Bad bunny
• “Let It Be” by the Beatles
• “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by Wham!
• “House of Gold” by Twenty One Pilots

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.” – Brene Brown

As Brene rightly defines it, shame often becomes a negative and dysfunctional emotion in us leading to longitudinal discomfort anxiety, depression, low self – esteem, disconnection and likewise. Shame can be triggered by other people’s judgments or expectations but can also be inserted due to the failure of accomplishing our own ideals.

There can be so many reasons which make us feel shame on a daily basis. For example, not getting ‘good’ marks in an exam, not being able to lose weight, not having a large group of friends, the inability to enter a college of choice, parental expectations, and so much more which others expect from us or we expect for ourselves.

Some examples of what shame might feel/sound like in our brains.

“I am so stupid”

“Nobody will love me”

“There’s something wrong with me”

“I’m not good enough”

“People don’t think I am smart”

“They won’t give me the job because I am incompetent

Such thoughts can be found lurking in our mind and consuming us with shame and self-criticism. When this happens, we resort to unhealthy and negative coping behaviors like addiction, rage, detachment, blame, isolation, self-harm and other destructive behaviors.

Having said that, it is not impossible to cope with shame and respond to it in a manner which enhances your well-being and resilience. Here are some ways to start the process of learning to heal from shame.

1. Talk about it and acknowledge it - As hard as it is to talk about experiences causing us shame, hiding these stories can make us develop unhealthy coping and wallow in it. It’s better to find a trusted person with whom you can share your story and acknowledge what is causing you shame. This way, you take the power from shame and write the end to the story yourself.

2. Identify the right emotion – Shame can often be confused with guilt, humiliation or embarrassment. Shame can be ‘I am bad’ while guilt is ‘I did a bad thing’. We are not bad as people. We just make choices which may hurt us or others. Learn to define what you are feeling correctly and practice self-forgiveness and compassion.

3. Learn to celebrate your inner strengths – This is not something you’ll realize right away, but when you begin the process of healing from shame, and reflect on this process, you’ll understand how strong you have been after all.

4. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend – Just like you would be kind and compassionate toward a friend in a time of shame and despair, remember that you also deserve that kindness. Try to change your self-talk from critical to compassionate and forgiving. It’s okay to be imperfect and continue to grow. Offer yourself a tight hug or love and kindness and remind yourself that you’re enough.

While shame is a universal emotion, it can be experienced differently by all of us. Getting caught up in this turmoil of shaming and being shamed is a piece of cake but bringing yourself out of it is hard work and resilience. You may not be perfect but remember, that’s not what we are here for. You’re unique for YOU and that’s ‘good enough’.