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Be the sunshine when you can’t find one

Clinical Psychologist talks about how happiness is a state of mind and is very process oriented

We all want to be happy and more often than not stress about not being ‘happy’ enough. The word happiness has various meanings online from ‘the state of being happy’ to ‘Happiness is that feeling that comes over you when you know life is good and you can't help but smile. It's the opposite of sadness…,’ as defined by www.vocabulary.com

The truth is happiness is not a destination and is indeed a state of mind. Anyone can be happy provided they gradually work towards living every moment to the fullest and focus on the positive while making a conscious effort to not dwell and worry endlessly about their problems.

While we all have problems, dissecting them or blaming ourselves for our mistakes in no way has ever made anyone’s life easier.

Clinical Psychologist, Nidhi Mehta at Unlimited Potentialities whose clientele includes at least 80% of adolescents advise teenagers against beating up themselves for the past and being overly anxious of the future, which she feels is very common with teenagers, presently. She urges GenNext to try to center themselves. “Count your blessings, be patient by accepting the situation and consciously try finding a constructive approach to solving it”, suggests Nidhi.

 Nidhi feels that even being supposed happy 24/7 is not good as then there is no stimulation, no change and one is in a state of equilibrium when things stagnate which leads people to find different ways to stir excitement and go crazy. Which in turn leads them to get hooked to addictions right from alcohol, video games, shopping, Instagram as everything seems dull.

 Yes, another fear that is very real and very prevalent with millennials is FOMO – The fear of missing out!! But despite that being happy is not a herculean task as it’s made out to be.  

Simple things like maintaining a journal where one daily lists out good things that have happened to them and the good things they have done can help one on focusing the positive which can be a life-long lesson in positivity. The highlight of one’s day could be something as simple as someone’s colleague distributing cake while a good thing they did could be offering someone as a seat in the bus ride back home.

Apart from journaling, Nidhi also feels that doing a visualization exercise where they fast forward into the future, figure out their ‘happy place’ and what they want from life also helps and is an exercise she often uses with her clients. While figuring out one’s path is not easy, Nidhi feels it’s crucial for youngsters to understand that happiness is not instantaneous. “Happiness is process oriented, they need to enjoy the process of where they are going and it doesn’t happen suddenly. It takes time and happens gradually by trying and focusing on things that are going well,” which she feels is different from being unrealistic and delusional.

 When asked about some other things teenagers can do to be happy, Nidhi simply listed, sleeping well for 6 to 7 hours, deep breathing, exercising and eating right. That certainly sounds easy, right? Precisely why being happy isn’t rocket science!

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Expert advice on Anger Management

An ideal goal of anger management is to control and regulate anger so that it does not result in problems.
Krutika Quality Control

Do you shout when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure rockets up when your friends refuse to cooperate? Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion — but it's important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your relationships.

Handling anger can be a tough situation. Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.

Our Teentalkindia expert gives advice on anger management. Start by considering these 8 anger management tips:

1. Think before you speak: In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

2. Once you're calm, express your anger: As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

3. Get some exercise: Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry, like go for a brisk walk or run, deep breathing, relaxation exercise or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.

4. Take a timeout: Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better.

5. Identify possible solutions: Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Is your partner late for date every time? Schedule your date a few times when he/she is relatively free.

6. Don't hold a grudge: If you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.

7. Use humor to release tension: Use humor to help you face what's making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

The good news is that getting anger under control is easier than you think. With an insight about the real reasons for your anger and these anger management tools, you can learn to keep your temper from hijacking your life.

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Disclaimer: TeentalkIndia does not offer emergency services and is not a crisis intervention centre, if you or someone you know is experiencing acute distress or is suicidal/self harming, please contact the nearest hospital or emergency/crisis management services or helplines.