Log In
This site is not collecting any personalized information for ad serving or for personalization. We do not share any information/cookie data about the user with any third party.OK  NO

The psychology of a bully

Meet Kunal, better known as “The Bully” by his classmates and teachers. Although you might not think it, Kunal does have his side of the story. Here it is…

The infamous fight

Sometimes, when I cannot express my emotions in words, I hit. In my mind, hitting is the perfect solution to get back at others. How else do I stand up for myself? All the people in my class think I am the ‘notorious' one. They have labelled me as the “kid who causes trouble.”

However, there are many occasions when the other kids tease me, harass me or even make fun of me, nobody seems to give those experiences any importance. I remember when Vikram and Raunak pulled my pants down infront of the entire class during dance session, nobody supported or helped me. I was embarrassed, angry and humiliated. But when I punched Ishaan and he hurt his elbow, I was scolded and shouted at by my teachers and parents. Why didn’t anybody ask for my side of the story? I only did it because he was teasing me too! And, he called me some really hurtful names. My classmates’ parents ganged up and forced the principal for my rustication. I was not allowed to go to school for two days. I felt lonely and misunderstood; until I started getting help.

Behind closed doors

When I met my counsellor, I didn’t want to talk to him. But eventually I realised that he means no harm. We used to meet in a classroom with green walls where you can see big coconut trees from outside the window. At first, I thought he was not going to understand me, but slowly I started feeling safer in his company. He didn’t judge me for my inability to make shapes or switch between lessons quickly. Over a period of time, I started sharing my deepest secrets with him. Never have I told anybody about my love for classical Hindustani music or the fact that I’m a good swimmer. I don’t want anybody to know about these things in school as well. I want to be like the football captain, strong, muscular and handsome. And all cool kids in school are good at football. I love football. I have dreamt of taking off my shirt, swirling it in the air, shouting at the top of my voice and run around the field when I win the football match for my school. But, somehow, I never get selected to play in the team. My parents also keep blaming me for not being good enough at sports and academics. I have stopped talking to them. All they tell me is how good my younger sister is at academics. And, I hate that.

Parent-teacher partnership

Since the counsellor has entered my life, I can see some positive changes. In school today, my teacher handed me a fidgety toy. She asked me to play with it if I felt uneasy or anxious. That’s cool. Also, my parents have started taking interest in me and my life. They listen to my side of the story and do not blame me. And, if I hit any student in the school, I am not allowed to play football for two months. I think I must have a good enough reason to hit anybody now. I still have difficulty coping with anger. But I try to think rationally. I still feel lonely, so I talk to my cousin. I still feel that, “I don’t fit in,” but I try to focus on the things I am good at. I think I will get by.

If you have a story to share, Email it to us HERE.

If you have a query, Email it to us HERE.

You can also chat with the counsellor by clicking on Teentalk Expert Chat.

Comments

NEXT STORY


8 times Harry and his friends stood up to their bullies

Read this if you need some inspiration to stand up to a bully...

School is TOUGH! While you meet awesome BFFs, you also encounter a lot of bullies. They can come in any shape, size, gender or religion. They can be your peers, parents or even teachers. However, the good news is that you’ll can empower yourself and show your haters a thing or two, ‘Cos bullying is not acceptable and you should stand up to it.

What better an example than “the chosen one,” or “the boy who lived,” none other than HARRY POTTER! He was mercilessly bullied by the Durseleys especially darling Dudley, then by his classmate Malicious Draco Malfoy and gang, then by his teachers Severe Severus Snape and Sadist Dolores Umbridge. Let’s not even mention he-who-must-not-be-named because his torturous methods will need another article.

But when the haters threatened to kill not just him but also his friends’ happy jive, they struck back. Let’s take inspiration from Harry and his badass group of friends.

When fun for Dudley is torture for Harry. Remember when the huge Duds intentionally jumps on the stairs multiple times to abruptly wake Harry, and then pushes him inside.

Situation: Dudley repeated what he saw – his parents humiliating and threatening Harry. Since Duds was five times as big has Harry, it would be intimidating for the latter to stand up to the former. Bullies often use their size as a bullying tool.

What you can do: Of course confiding in a trusted friend helps you share the load, but you can also have a bit of fun imagining the bully as something weird that will have you in splits. When Harry couldn’t take it anymore, he gave Duds a tail. I mean who’s gonna get intimidated by a pig!

 

When Hermoine tells Malfoy where he can stick the broomstick, he retorts by abusing her in front of literally EEVERYONE! Hermoine is embarrassed and humiliated.

Situation: Bullying is often direct and includes name calling and teasing. Malicious Malfoy uses his social power (do you know who my dad is?) to bully Hermoine, who does not come from a wizard family like Malfoy.

What you can do: Besides having Ron and Harry to witness the incident, Hermoine also confides in Hagrid, whose ability to listen and offer constructive motivation and advice helps Hermione regain her confidence. Don’t be embarrassed to talk about what hurts you!

 

When sinister Tom Marvolo Riddle uses his incredibly knee-weakening influence on timid Ginny Weasley to open the infamously dangerous Chamber of Secrets. Ginny was psychologically and emotionally trapped by Riddle.

Situation: Bullies often recognise their victim’s insecurities and take advantage of their vulnerabilities. Oftentimes, victims do not even realise that they’re being trapped.

What you can do: Ginny did not have anybody to confide in so she threw the diary away. Distance yourself from the abuser and instead of shutting yourself up, try and talk to someone who can understand what you are going through.

When team Malicious Malfoy mocks Harry for fainting on the journey back to Hogwarts because a dementor tried to suck the soul out of him.

Situation: Bullies do not care how the victims feel or what they’re going through. So even though Harry is having vivid  hallucinations about dementors taking his life, it does not stop Malfoy and his friends from mocking him.

What you can do: Since Hermoine was around; she ignored the haters and took Harry away. Remember that bullies are always looking for a reaction of anger or hurt so if you can ignore their taunts, they won’t get what they want.

 

When the bullies have nothing else to do but come up with ideas to pull you down. Exhibit A. After Harry’s success in the Triwizard Tournament, team Malicious Malfoy conjure badges that read, “Potter Stinks” and wear them around to tease Harry.

Situation: Bullies can gang up on a target and pass nasty remarks and rude comments.

What you can do: In reality, pay attention to your body language. Standing firm and tall, breathing normally and maintaining eye contact, all demonstrate confidence and make it less likely for a bully to pursue messing with you. If you feel you are in any physical danger, don’t be afraid to run.

 

When teachers use painful methods for punishment. Presenting Dolores Umbridge and her fifty shades of pink (pleasures).  

Situation: The snotty little pinkball would use the Black Quill (that uses blood as ink) for punishments.

What you can do: While corporal punishment is condemned in India, it happens every single day. The Ministry of Women and Child have put forth guidelines to deal with them. Confide in your parents and seek help HERE. If your parents are the ones physically abusing or bullying you, reach out to our counselling helpline HERE.

 

When peers make up code words and nicknames to cause harm. Like Luna was called Looney!

Situation: Luna Lovegood was constantly called Looney Lovegood and students kept hiding her shoes. She was always non-judgemental to these notorious students because she just didn’t care!

What you can do: Name calling is another form of bullying that can cause embarrassment. You can either choose to ignore it or tell a trusted friend, parent or teacher.

If Harry and his friends can go through all this and still laugh, so can you. If you need more assistance, click HERE.

If you have a story to share, Email it to us HERE.

If you have a query, Email it to us HERE.

You can also chat with the counsellor by clicking on Teentalk Expert Chat.

Comments

Copyright TEENTALK 2018-2019
Disclaimer: TeentalkIndia does not offer emergency services and is not a crisis intervention centre, if you or someone you know is experiencing acute distress or is suicidal/self harming, please contact the nearest hospital or emergency/crisis management services or helplines.