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Dealing with rejection

Didn’t get into the college of your choice? Got dumped by your girlfriend? Worry not, you are not alone. All you need is to do some inner work.

Rejection while it is as universal as any other emotion is something many people are ashamed to admit feeling, which is strange because everyone has been rejected on multiple occasions. This could involve feeling rejected by the college you applied to but not getting in because you were short of a few marks, not hearing back from the organization you sought an internship at. Rejection could also be very personal and could involve being rejected by one’s friends, their romantic interest and even sometimes one’s own family!Read on to know about some ways in which one can deal with rejection.

Accept It :

While talking about she helps her clients deal with feeling rejected, clinical psychologist, Suchismita Bose at Mind & Me, emphasized that the first step truly lies in recognizing that one is feeling rejected and understanding the other emotions that one is feeling because of feeling rejected. “These could range from feeling sad, angry, under-confident and several other kind of emotions. Once one has understood exactly how one feels, they can accordingly work on it,” explains Suchismita.

Understanding that Rejection Does Not Mean ‘YOU’ have been Rejected per se:

Suchismita further feels it is necessary for teenagers to understand that they as a whole have not been rejected but it is only a certain part of them or a skill that has been rejected. “We often feel that we are not good enough, which is not true, but fail to realize that somebody could have been better, the situation’s needs are different and that something did not fit,” explained Suchismita while emphasizing on the futility of beating oneself up.

Unlearn Everything You Have Been Made To Believe Is True :

A lot of how we react to rejection is determined by our upbringing. Madan Muthu, an entrepreneur and motivational speaker, who failed while studying at IIM and was even turned down by his college sweetheart feels that there are two ways in which Indian children essentially are raised and neither of which help them in dealing with the feeling of being rejected. “Some people get a lot of importance from their close circle of friends and family while growing up, which may increase their self-esteem but later as adults, these people find themselves at odds while grappling with feeling rejected in life. Others who have constantly been reprimanded from childhood and have faced a lot of criticism while growing up, later, also struggle to bounce back from feeling criticized as they have been conditioned to accept feeling rejected, which also does nothing for their self-esteem,” points out Madan.

Suchismita advises one to try to consciously separate the voice they heard as children from the rejection they are presently facing.

Be Comfortable In Your Own Skin :

While we can seek support from our loved ones it is most necessary to be able to help oneself and be one’s own best friend. “Identify your strengths and weaknesses. Find out who you are and wear it like an armour,” advises Madan who was earlier overweight for a large portion of his life and finally decided to get in shape the healthy way, despite being someone who lives to eat.

Remember That There Are Indeed Many Fish In The Sea :

You must have heard of the popular mobile game, Angry Birds? Did you know that Rovio Entertainment, the Finnish developers who developed Angry Birds was bankrupt until Angry Birds finally launched and had previously launched about 51 games, most of which were not commercially successful! “Remember that there are so many fish in the sea. This applies to jobs, relationships and other opportunities. The same person will get multiple shots, it may be spread across time but there will be no dearth of many other opportunities,” states Madan!


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How I rose from “dark” to light

Here is a proud and talented brown girl who found her lost confidence with the help of her family. Read the story of Tanvi, who despite of facing criticism and suffering low self-esteem, broke the shackles of society and became a confident and strong girl in her skin.
Snigdha Teentalkindia Counsellor

As a child Tanvi had a different childhood as she had a Muslim father and Jain mother. However, she was unaffected by this, which is why, when she was five and one of her friend’s mother asked her about whom does she loves the most, Tanvi’s reply was ‘Myself’. But as she progressed towards teenage, she started to see things differently. She was, now, questioning her physical looks and self-worth more often. While she was still trying to figure this out, an incident shook her.

It happened in 9th grade, when she was getting ready for a party with her friends. Excited and happy, they were all trying different outfits and looks. Suddenly one of her friends said that ‘everything about Tanvi was perfect, except for her skin tone!’ Yes, she was a dark skinned girl, or not fair enough, as they say.

Tanvi was hurt as this mere sentence broke her heart badly. This killed her confidence and Tanvi became conscious of her skin colour. She started refraining from anything that would bring her to limelight as she thought she wasn’t good enough. Not only this, but she even avoided any social interactions and stayed away from people whom she thought would hurt her.

Her mother, who after watching Tanvi see fairness cream ads told her that she doesn’t need to be of a particular skin colour to be successful, tried to rebuild her confidence. She recommended Tanvi to join martial arts, hence diverting all her negative energy into physical energy. Tanvi practised everyday and each day gave her the opportunity to express herself as something more than just a dark skinned girl. Gradually her focus shifted toward this and she became capable of fighting back and re-established her confidence.

Her friends and family also helped her emotionally. They believed in her and showed their confidence in her. This made Tanvi grow even strong and confident. She couldn’t thank enough for having such co-operative and understanding people around her.

Finally, Tanvi made peace with herself and her skin colour. Today, she is an inspiring fashion blogger and a black belt Martial arts expert who has been winning tournaments internationally since a very young age. 

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