Question : I am a teenager and my father is now getting remarried to someone else. This is causing me to feel angry, frustrated and ashamed. How do I handle so many emotions at the same time?
Thank you for writing and sharing your concerns with us.
I can understand how overwhelming all these emotions must be for you. It is such a difficult situation to cope with and it is completely natural to feel everything you are feeling
Allow yourself plenty of time to adjust to the new situation. You may feel that in accepting a new marriage is disloyal to your deceased or divorced mother or father. Building a relationship with a new stepparent may feel like a betrayal to the memory of your original family unit.
You can try these tips to deal with this ordeal:
If you find yourself immediately against the idea of Mom or Dad getting remarried, check your motives. Try to identify what’s behind your dislike about your future step-parent. This could help you reduce the negativity surrounding the union and prevent a potential rift between you and your parent.
Even if you come to realize that you are not so fond of your parent’s new partner, recognize that your parent doesn’t have to receive your permission to remarry. However, they probably would love to have your support and respect towards them and their new partner.
Try to minimize comparisons by finding out some positives in this new person. Think of all the ways he/she is helping your parent, rather than dwelling on how they are alike or different from your other parent.
Rather than taking the negative approach and thinking that this new person is encroaching on your time with your parent, see it as an opportunity to re-focus on yourself. Think of ways you can use your additional free time to bring positive changes into your life.
Temporarily set aside your own feelings about the relationship to perform an honest assessment. Does your father or mother appear to be happy with their new mate?
Trying toget to know this person may help you gain acceptance and figure out the role this person will play in your life. Plus, it will demonstrate to your parent that you are trying to welcome them into the family.
Make a weekly/monthly plan to spend quality time with both the parents. That way, you can assure that you spend one-on-one time with your parent just like before the new marriage.
Most importantly, take your time to come around this new situation. It is okay if you are not feeling ready. Your parents will understand and eventually things will get better.
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